must distinguish between various aspects of jealousy: in particular, on the one hand, the constant fear that their partner to betray (and therefore the adoption of practices to guard against this possible risk), and on the other hand, the suspicion that it is really going some intrigue.
rations jealousy of course depend on the behavior of her or him, by circumstances, the type of people that are around us, the real opportunities of treason, on the strength of the relationship in the pair, but also on individual susceptibility. All, in fact, may have a reaction in the presence of jealous suspicions, but some people suspect is continuous learning and jealousy torment internal attitudes that lead to end up being very irritating to your partner, especially in the absence of compelling reasons: control, questions about the movement (even if done in an apparently random), objections to nights out, furtive examination of pockets or handbags etc..
In extreme cases there are real obsessive-compulsive disorders that are expressed through the jealousy and that can be treated with medication. (...)
But who is more jealous?
The men, according to polls, tend to deny to be, while women more readily admit it. E 'probable that the jealousy is in fact widespread in both sexes more than people are willing to acknowledge. Many today prove difficult to admit, because they see the jealousy a negative value, a way to be a bit primitive, which tends to oppress the partner and doubt of his loyalty. Professor Donald Marazziti told me that he had prepared at the University of Pisa, for a research-survey, a special questionnaire to evaluate the degree of jealousy of the participants: Well, surprisingly none of the fifty students who were part of the first script has wanted to fill it. Merely changing the title, called "Questionnaire for affective relationships, and there has been no problems. All have agreed to build it.
But there are couples where jealousy grows more than in others? According Several studies ... jealousy seems to be more present in those couples in which one of them has a low self-esteem. This perception of self, in fact, leads to feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, loneliness and provides a fertile ground for the initiation of jealousy, because of the lack of security and the consequent fear of being abandoned by their partner. Some research indicates that the rate of jealousy is higher in those who have already been betrayed, even when they have formed a new couple.
David M. Buss, University of Texas, that it has identified other types of couples seem to be particularly vulnerable. This happens when certain key factors intersect, such as differences in age, di bellezza e di reddito. Per esempio, quando un uomo sposato con una donna giovane e attraente si deve confrontare con un rivale di successo, dotato di maggiori risorse economiche, e crede di scorgere segnali di coinvolgimento sessuale della sua donna con il rivale.
L'altro caso tipico è quando una donna ha sposato un uomo con alto livello di reddito e percepisce segnali di coinvolgimento emotivo del marito nei confronti di una donna molto più attraente. Spesso in questi casi nasce un comportamento di vigilanza ansiosa che può in seguito degenerare.
La gelosia può diventare distruttiva in molte situazioni, ma soprattutto quando nascono comportamenti gelosi "a prescindere", tipici di individui che sono sempre in preallarme, che interrogano, peering continually warning signs of a possible betrayal. These checks will continue, if they become obsessive and suffocating, can generate violence.
In a study of battered wives, they had to seek medical attention, for example, has shown that husbands were trying to limit their contact with friends and family, always wanted to know where they were, dealt with the bad words make them feel uncomfortable with themselves.
For other individuals, however, true to the philosophy of long bridle. Supervision yes, but also trust. (...) Some people even believe that evoke jealousy in partners can be challenging to "awaken" the report said. (...) It may be that jealous the partner is useful in some cases to "wake up" his attention, make him feel that love is a commodity that can be lost if we do not strive to keep it alive as at the beginning, but being attentive to the "dose" of this provocation and the sensitivity of the partner. Otherwise you are likely quite different effects.
(...) In one of his research, David M. Buss University of Texas asked the following questions to men and women in the different countries and cultures of the world
"What would lead you to greater anger and despair:
- discover that your partner has a deep emotional attachment with another person?
- discover that your partner has sex passionate with another person, even experimenting with sexual positions that you imagine?
The questions were posed to a sample of women and men in the U.S., Holland, Germany, Japan, South Korea and Zimbabwe. Each group included 200 participants. In the U.S. the majority of women (83 percent) said that emotional infidelity would be more injuries, while the majority of men (60 percent) they would sexual infidelity was (compared to only 17 percent of women). In other Weights range was, but confirmed the orientation of the fund (with a greater tolerance in Germany and Holland for the female sexual betrayal, also related to a tradition of greater sexual freedom and equality).
You can also try to ask the question to friends and girlfriends. According to Buss
this difference in the responses reveals something profound. That is to say to the man, who must defend the certainty of paternity is more important than sexual fidelity of women, for women, however, trying to defend the stability of the relationship is more important than the emotional loyalty. (...) There is a fact that Buss
tends to emphasize: that jealousy is not the result of rational reasoning, but an instinctive reaction, as is the fear of snakes, spiders, strangers, or the attraction of sugars and fats.
If the State had made a "rational" (ie, if it were only of concern to pass on their genes to offspring), today there should be almost jealous husbands, because if the wife uses contraceptives to sex with other men undermines the certainty of paternity At most, the husband should be concerned that his wife take the pill when he makes love to others.
Not so: this reflection comes from our deep primal and uncontrollable and involuntary. You can see that in animals, defending their exclusivity Sexual automatically, knowing nothing of the certainty of paternity.
Jealousy, moreover, is defined not by chance that the other side of love: it is actually the flip side of falling in love, sexuality, attachment, passions which are also instinctive in our genes. All together they complement each other: on the one hand guiding the achievement of a partner, on the other hand tend to instinctively defend this well earned.
But then it is only a game of genes and neurotransmitters?
No.
(...) One reason for treason is not just the loss of an asset held, loved and cherished, but it is something that deeply hurt the pride, che rappresenta una sconfitta spesso inaccettabile, che fa sentire non soltanto traditi ma ingannati, creando un vuoto di solitudine incolmabile. (...)
Sia uomini che donne sono feriti da entrambi gli aspetti (il sesso e i sentimenti): ma le donne mettono più in evidenza i sentimenti perchè sanno che questi coinvolgono anche il sesso, mentre gli uomini puntano l'indice sul sesso, sapendo che le donne che si concedono lo fanno anche con sentimento.
Da "Ti amerò per sempre" - Piero Angela
Libri su Psiche, Amore e Seduzione acquistabili qui
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