Fifty years have passed since the German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm wrote in his Arts of love: "There is no other business or activity in which it commits us with so many hopes and expectations, and that fails so regularly as love." Yet very few of us would be willing to give up to devote himself to the culinary arts, or the study of a language. Then we try to understand at least some fragment of this fascinating drive and stubborn. What do we mean when we say we love someone? What is the most important person in our lives? Or maybe we think that when you feel intense pleasure? In both cases, we are sincere, but the value of our words is different. Love is the sort of word-filled suitcase that everyone wants to like. Why love has many forms and each has many facets. We try to understand the main
L 'falling in love
It' s the initial blaze that makes us abandon everything and everyone, that makes us forget the study, friends, work for another dream. To idealize. Yes, because falling in love means to build up an ideal image which you can dump wishes and expectations. Some think this is a form of selfishness at the bottom is not really much to fascinate, but the idea is projected upon him. It does not necessarily correspond to reality. At one point, the idyll can reveal a crack. The other appears to us with its demands and its shortcomings. Only if we can accept the love affair turns into love.
couple's love and 'feeling that comes after falling in love that has stood the test of time, it is more peaceful, deep, but at the same time more concerned about its stability. Love becomes so when it is able to pass dalla tempesta dell'infatuazione alla quotidianità. Stare insieme all'altro, approfondirne l'intimità emotiva e sessuale, porta a una svolta. E un pò come dire: "Ora so davvero come sei, ma mi vai bene lo stesso".
L'amore incondizionato
E' quello che si prova per i propri figli (il contrario non è garantito!). E' quel tipo d'amore che può anche spingere al sacrificio. E' un sentimento costruttivo, che arricchisce in modo profondo.
L' attaccamento
E' quello che proviamo per un amico, ma anche per un animale... E' così che amiamo uno zio, un collega, qualcuno con cui "stiamo bene". Ma è also what unites us to the partner when we get to know him more deeply. What makes us feel intimately connected to him in a more stable and durable. By experimenting with new feelings of attachment security, stability, belonging together.
Passion
E 'love most media, the subject of films and novels more or less good. But be careful. Sometimes we abuse the word to refer to this infatuation trivial or burning desire. To complicate matters, each report shall contain each of these forms of love in varying doses. Each generation discovers the timeless dilemmas of love, even if the changes in values \u200b\u200band ways of life confront to ever new situations. For example, the individualism that characterizes us and dismemberment and families back together and makes us feel isolated. No wonder, all0ra that the request for love is stronger than ever. But because the failure rate is so high? Maybe because we have become more skeptical and more demanding fans, but still inexperienced and ill-equipped in the art of loving. Let's see why.
more skeptical
Who, past adolescence (and sometimes during), still believes in love forever? Love is marked by insecurity. If we count the children born out of wedlock (nearly 10%) and those with separated parents, only a minority childhood has been a model of stable couple. As if he had lost the mold. It is now common ground: each of us will live more than a love. That's why we no longer know how to call what we are trying: desire, flirting, relationship, short story, or Great Love? Do not we give more to the other, pays you, watching every day the appearance of small crack in the married life. It 's a self-fulfilling prophecy that often, when you expect a fleeting love, the chances increase that it really is.
demanding
All are believed sexually emancipated. The same teenagers, while still dreaming of Prince Charming, throw in jokes about their erogenous zones. Not only that, the psychology of small change in numerous television programs and newspapers are saturated, recommended not to alienate in unsatisfactory relationships. In exchange for a share, to be negotiated, of our sacred freedoms, we claim, then the other passion, respect, tolerance, humor, responsibility, skills amatory ... Women miss "real men" while men fantasize about "real women". The ideal models of the media we provide continuous and abundant details, intimidate anyone. And, once lovers, no one knows until it is in trial.
Mal equipped
The disappointment could lead us to a greater realism. Eppure la maggior parte di noi continua a confondere la magia del primo incontro con una "assicurazione" di lunga durata. Ma se alla prima non si comanda, l'altra richiede un paziente lavoro quotidiano che nessuno insegna. Sembriamo più informati sulle possibili trappole dell'amore che sulle sue "regole". Come se l'importante sia aver trovato l'oggetto d'amore e non tenerlo stretto. E così dall'amore ci aspettiamo la soluzione alle nostre insoddisfazioni affettive senza renderci conto di quanta salute psichica (reciproca!) ci voglia per stare insieme. La maggior parte di noi si preoccupa più di essere amato che di amare. Non solo: continuiamo a rifiutarci di analizzare il nostro amore con la scusa che questo "uccide il mistero". Non sappiamo talk to each other if not with repeated requests and complaints. The Art of Love, as the realization of ourselves for the benefit of the other, remains to be discovered by self-taught. Fortunately in this field we do not discourage easily. Perhaps because no two loves are alike never And why, after a while, you learn to love a little better.
JL Schreiber from "Psychologies No. 2"
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